


At First

by Layleu



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Gen, Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:08:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25278235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Layleu/pseuds/Layleu
Summary: Anne and Gilbert try and work each other out.  Kinda same timeline as season 3 but a little off cannon as well.  The main events still kind of happen.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 3
Kudos: 40





	1. At firs

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I have not written anything in about 8 years. But I was going through my old university papers and felt an inkling. My profession is very data and fact driven so writing is a muscle I have nor flexed or thought about flexing for a long time. This show Anne with an E somehow inspired me. So apologies this is going to be rusty and full of issues. thankyou in advance if you take the time.

Season 3 Misconstructions 

At first, she did not notice the changes, they happened so gradually, by the time she identified his change in behaviour. She had been so absorbed in her deeply personal quest to find her heritage that she did not notice his lack of interaction, he no longer sought her out after class, and she no longer felt his gaze lingering on her when she said something particularly smart in class. He no longer waited for her after the Queens late class. He had limited their interactions to bare acquaintances and she did not know why it bothered her so much.  
Of course, if she were honest, she would tell herself that she had been unfair and selfish with him in the past and his change in behaviour towards her was a long time coming.  
The first day she realised something was significantly different occurred one day after school when Miss Stacey has asked her and Gilbert to stay back to go over some extra study she wanted them to undertake in preparation for their Queens Entrance Exam. 

The extra study involved Arithmetic more specifically Quadratic and simultaneous equations, this was not Anne’s strongest subject; however it was one of Gilberts.   
Miss Stacey advised they work together on the task as Gilbert could help Anne if she needed it. However Gilbert who would normally kindly offer to help Anne with extra tasks balked at the idea and declined advising that he was too busy with his own extra study and apprenticeship in Charlottetown. He avoided eye contact with Anne and left abruptly after. Anne who was shocked at first took a moment to catch up with what had just happed before she realised he had already left the building. 

She politely said good-bye to Miss Stacey, quickly gathered her things and ran after Gilbert determined to find out what was going on.

She caught up to him on a path in the woods right where they first met, she called out to him trying to catch her breath.  
‘Gilbert’ she called out breathlessly

He halted but didn’t turn around 

She closed the remaining distance between them and took a deep breath before saying his name again   
‘Gilbert wait, can we talk a moment’ she asked again, more in control of her voice.

He seemed to pause for a moment then turned to face her   
‘What is it Anne’ he asked his voice flat and devoid of emotion

Anne took a moment to look at his face trying to read any emotion from him on why he was being so …. Polite but non-Gilbert. He always expressed some emotion when he spoke especially through his eyes. Right now, she was off put by how indifferent he seemed. 

She took another deep breath as if trying to cleanse her doubts that there was something wrong between them. However she found when she tried to speak, her mind was forming a blank. She rarely struggled for words, but right now, she was feeling so many different things about the idea that things might not be right between them that she found she could not form any.  
Gilbert raised an eyebrow at her and gave her a slightly concerned look, the sign of some emotion on his face was enough to give her the strength to speak

‘Are you… are we… is everything alright between us?’ she asked hesitantly 

Gilbert seemed to absorb her words and take a breath, she saw a slightly pained look cross his face before it vanished and he was looking at her indifferently again ‘Of course’ he stated as a matter of fact.

Anne was confused, she did not want to start an argument by contradicting him and stating that things were obviously not fine. However, at the same time she wanted to clear up whatever was going on between them so they could continue to be friends. She decided to be brave but gentle.

‘It’s just, you seem angry with me for something, and if I have said something inconsiderate or offensive somehow I am truly sorry, you know how my mouth runs away with me and I would hate for something I said to come between our friendship it means so much to me and I know I can be insensitive at times, just tell me what it is and I will fix it’ she managed to get all of this out in one breath.

Gilbert gave her a strange look and for the first time in a long time, she could not read the expression on his face. He seemed to be having an internal conversation with himself, then took a deep sigh, closed his eyes for a moment then looked back up to meet Anne’s eye

His expression had softened significantly but he still looked tired and tense “There is nothing you have done Anne, in fact there is nothing you can do about this one, it’s just the way things are, it will pass in time’ he reached out and placed his hand on her shoulder for a brief moment “our friendship will be fine Anne don’t worry’ he then gave her a brief smile and turned to walk away. Anne however was not satisfied with this and could not let it go 

She took a step towards him “but….something has changed hasn’t it? Was it what I said on the train? I am so sorry I didn’t mean that … I was just frustrated and took it out on you, I am truly sorry Gilbert I was on this quest and I know it’s no excuse but it’s so important to me and Marilla was embarrassing. I truly am sorry’

Gilbert turned back to her “it’s not your fault Anne, we are getting older and things change. That is just what comes with growing up, people grow apart’

Anne was now super confused, before the train ride things has been so easy between them, they shared their study time, helped each other out, went on adventures together, why had things changed in such a short span of time, she knew they were growing up, but not everyone grew apart. Cole, Dianna and Gilbert, they were people she never wanted to grow apart from. In her confusion, she took a desperate step towards him

“But not us Gilbert, we don’t have to grow apart, we are friends , kindred spirits as such, what has changed from a few weeks ago, it must be the train ride, tell me what I can do to make it right between us ‘ she pleaded fear starting to creep into her voice 

Gilbert looked pained at her words, he took a deep breath and gave her a that look he often gave her when she caught him staring at her in class “There is nothing you can do, I just need some time to accept certain things’

‘What things’ she asked 

Gilbert rubbed his hand across his face, trying to decide how much he should tell her he came to a decision , shook his head and took a step towards her, he reached out brushed a hair away from her face then let it drop to her shoulder. Anne felt her breath hitch at the contact and closeness, but she did not feel the need to pull away or stop him. She felt her heart rate pick up and she looked up from his hand to meet his eye. He seemed to be waiting for her to make eye contact then spoke in a soft voice

‘Anne, you cannot change the fact that I need you more than you need me, you can’t change that I tell you all my ambitions, dreams and secrets, but you do not feel the same urge to share yours with me, you cannot change that you are the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last person I think of before I go to sleep at night. It’s not your fault Anne that you do not feel the same way about me that I do about you’ He dropped his arm from her shoulder and took a step back from her “it’s not something you can fix or change. You just need to give me time to accept it’

Anne shook her head “but it’s not true! I tell you almost as much as I tell Diana; you are almost as important to me as she is. Where is this coming from Gilbert? Did something happen. I don’t understand’

Gilbert shook his head “I know you don’t, which is what makes this all the more hard’ 

Anne felt the fear beginning to sink back in and a pain was starting to from in her chest she wasn’t sure what was happening right now, but she knew it was important and that she couldn’t screw it up or she may lose Gilbert and that was not something she was willing to accept after everything they had been through to become friends   
‘Then explain it to me’ she pleaded 

Gilbert sighed and looked sadder than she had ever seen him look before in her company “I can’t really, you either have feelings for me or you don’t’  
Anne jumped forwards placing them close to one another again “but I do have feelings for you, you are one of my best friends …. I even love you a little’ she pleaded with him to understand  
Gilbert looked defeated “that just it Anne, you love me as a friend… ‘

Anne suddenly felt everything click into place, his words his actions his looks his concern for her, his attention and his reaction when she asked him about the take notice board she felt dread sink into her chest and down to her toes, he couldn’t could he ? Have romantic feelings for her. She was Anne and he was Gilbert, they were friends, rivals, confidants. She suddenly needed to know what he meant, if she was right and that Gilbert really did have a crush on her what did that mean.

It all came out at once “you mean you… the take notice board, the train…oh Gilbert… you, you have a crush on me’… she asked very tentatively  
Gilbert closed his eyes, shook his head, rubbed his hand behind his head, and then rook a deep breath that seemed to Anne to take forever to exhale. “That’s one way to look at it I guess’ he started feeling a little frustrated at Anne for not seeing his meaning. 

However, he reminded himself that she was young, just sixteen and a full two years younger than he was. She had not exactly had the most stable upbringing before green gables and maybe the idea of someone liking, maybe even loving her was as foreign right now, as the idea of having a family was 3 years prior. Friendship was where she felt safe, and it had taken them so long to get there. Suddenly he felt a bit foolish, why was he rushing this? Sure his feelings had been hurt at the way she failed to notice him as more, however if he looked back to a year ago they were so much closer now. Time… he needed to give her time, to grow, to flourish and to learn to trust him more than she did now. Gilbert took a deep breath, could he be close to her and not be close to her? It was not as if he wanted to propose tomorrow or next year. He was to become a doctor and that took time. He could wait; he could let her go to maybe one day get her back again. If he did not he was going to lose her altogether and he did not want to do that. He just needed something from her, just a fraction of hope that one day she might feel the same way for him. Therefore, he made a decision knowing he could be risking it all and took a step towards her. He placed both his on each side of her face and very lightly ghosted his lips over hers, ever so lightly as if it almost it never happened. He released her face and dropped his hands to his sides but remained close to her and whispered in a soft almost whisper “more like that’

Anne stood there stunned and breathless not quite believing what was happening she felt like her heart was about to pound out of her chest and her vison blurred a little. She felt Gilbert step away from her. She wanted to say something, react in some way but she could not seem to form the thoughts or the words or anything aside from the rapid beating inside her chest and her impulsive to step closer to him as he stepped away from her. As if in panic at him leaving before she reacted she forced herself to step forward and clasp his forearm to stop him moving further away. He stopped immediately.

“What... how… what does this mean?’ she asked much less breathless than she felt.

Gilbert smiled at her with a cheeky smile “Remains to be seen’ he winked at her and stepped away.

Anne froze at the use of her own words and watched him walk away down the path until he vanished out of sight. She stood there for a long time afterwards with her hand placed softly to her lips as they still tingled from where his had so briefly met hers. She found herself smiling. Gilbert liked her, really liked her and as much as it scared her, worried her and caused all sorts of feelings she was not yet ready to process it also felt like something significant had slotted into place. She started walking down the path towards home with a smile on her face and a slight bounce in her step.


	2. Chapter 2

Mary  
Anne did not know what to do, Mary was going to die, what did that even mean, ‘die’ it felt so final, so finished. What about Bash, what about Delphine and what about Gilbert, they had all already lost so much. How was she supposed to process it all? She needed to be strong, For Mary for all of them, for herself.  
Every day Mary got weaker and less lucid, Anne felt that she needed to be stronger. She cooked for Bash, Delphine and Gilbert in Marys stead with the help of Marilla and Rachel. 

Bash spent all his time with Delphine and Mary trying to soak up as much as he could of the time he had left with them. 

Gilbert hovered between them and burying his face in a book as if he did not really want to face what was happening. Ever since their hug outside the house a few days prior they had not spoken much, just offered each other quiet support. Anne was grateful for the quiet, she had not really let herself process what losing Mary meant for her. Mary was like the big sister she always wanted but never thought she would get and she had loved having her in her life.

On her final morning, Mary passed quietly with Bash by her side, Delphine in sight and surrounded by Anne, Gilbert, Marilla, and Mathew. It was peaceful and filled with tears. Anne had been standing next to Gilbert and let her hand slip into his just in time for Mary to take her final breath. They all stood there in the quiet letting the magnitude of what had happened sink into them. Bash just sat and stared at Mary’s now lifeless body as if willing her to take another. However, it never came.

Anne felt Gilbert remove his hand from hers and she looked up at him with tears in her eyes, He had tears streaming down his face, his eyes met hers, then he fled the room. Anne took a step forward to follow him, but Marilla reached a hand out to stop her. “leave him be Anne’ she stated sadly 

Anne shook her head “I cannot’ and propelled herself forward and after Gilbert.

It did not take her long to find him, he was in the barn. It was where she would have gone in the same circumstance. He was up in the hayloft sitting down with his head resting on his knees rocking back and forth, as sobs shook his body. Anne felt her heart break a little at the sight she slowly made her way towards him, wanting to give him time to dismiss her if he truly wanted to be alone. When he said nor did anything to show he knew she was there, she closed the distance and sat down next to him and placed her arm round him, slightly hugging him to her. He did not hesitate this time to let his body sink into hers and wrapped his arms around her as he continued to cry for the loss of Mary.

Anne just hugged him without saying anything and let him cry, she did not know how long they were there nor did she think anyone would come looking for them. They did not need to speak to express their joined sadness; Anne felt her own resolve start to break but pushed her tears aside for now. She could cry later when she got home. This moment was for and about Gilbert.

She did not realise at first that he had stopped crying as she had let her mind wander, thinking about all the things she wanted to do to remember Mary, to make sure Delphine had what she didn’t … a clear picture of her mother. She felt Gilbert try to sit up and she dropped her arms as he shifted away from her and sat upright so he was next to her but no longer touching her. She felt the warmth leave and felt a cold shiver settle over her. While she was focusing on Gilbert, she did not need to focus on her own sadness. He looked out over the farm and seemed thoughtful; tear marks still stained his face in the decreasing sunlight.

‘She told me to Marry for love’ he said huskily his voice a little raw from the tears.

Anne was not sure what to say or how to respond to that   
Gilbert continued, “I have been sort of seeing a girl in Charlottetown’

Anne felt many things at that admission, things she did not want to focus on right now, but she still did not know what to say.

‘Mary knew I liked you, she knew within five minutes of seeing me with you at the wedding, she told me to wait to be patient as you had a lot of growing to do, she said if I rushed things with you I would lose you and she was right’

Anne reached out and placed her hand on top of Gilberts “you won’t lose me, regardless if you see 100 girls in Charlottetown’ Anne took a steadying breath “you are family Gilbert we will always be in each other’s lives’

Gilbert nodded but still looked forlorn “I know that now, but when I started seeing Winnie, Mary pulled me aside and questioned my motives. It was just after we had that moment in the woods after school one day. I had decided I would heed Mary’s advice and give you time. However, what was the harm in the meantime going on outings with another girl; as long as it was not serious, there was no harm right. Mary chastised me and said should not lead any girl on and that it was not about my ego. Do you not see Anne! Who is going to point these things out for me now? I never knew what I was missing before Mary, I never had a mother, and I never knew the warmth and light it could bring to my life. Now it is gone. Death again. I can’t bear losing anyone else I love’ 

Gilbert stood up and moved away from Anne ‘getting closer to you is only going to hurt more when you leave me behind’ he stated and started to move towards the ladder that lead back to the barn floor.

Anne rushed up to her feet ‘Gilbert wait’

He stopped much like that day In the woods, just like then she wasn’t sure what to say, but panic was rising inside her like flame starting to ignite. “Don’t run from me please, I know this hurts, I know it hurts more than you can process right now and I know the idea of losing anyone else in any capacity must seem terrifying right now’ her voice faltered and the fear caught her throat ‘what about me Gilbert’ 

He turned and faced her his face unreadable, she needed to get something out that would make him stay “I can’t lose you either, I don’t know when it happened but you are the single most important person in my life. I just lost a sister please don’t leave me as well before we have time to figure this all out’

Gilbert sighed ‘I’m sorry Anne; I can’t do this right now. I do not even know what this is’ he said defeated 

Anne surged forward ‘Love, its love Gilbert’ she shook her head and took another step towards him 

‘what kind of love doesn’t matter right now, nor does it matter what it could be in a month or a year from now. What matters is that we are family; we chose to be each other’s family. Who gets to do that? Family do not abandon each other out of fear. They hug each other tight and hold on for the dear life, cause who knows when that will change’ Anne took the last step towards him and took his hand in hers “I loved Mary Gilbert and will continue to love her forever, she would want us to band together not run. She told you to Marry for love, but what she really meant was do not be afraid to love to be in love’ she reached her hand up and placed it against his cheek hoping to will her way through to him.

Gilbert closed his eyes and placed his hand on top of hers pressing them both into his cheek. He closed his eyes for a brief moment then opened them again, a small amount of anguish having left his expression “thank you Anne, thank you for reminding me to be brave’ he then pulled her into a hug much like the one they had shared a week and half ago out the front of his house.   
She hugged him back, and then let her self-take her first full breath since entering the barn.


End file.
